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Post Info TOPIC: The funniest thing I have ever read in the US&J....

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The funniest thing I have ever read in the US&J....

This needs absolutely no set-up or explanation. It must have been a joy to write this story!

CRIME: DWI charges follow report of man passed out at the wheel

Staff Reports
Lockport Union-Sun & Journal

CAMBRIA A Sanborn man was charged with driving while intoxicated after he was reportedly found passed out at the wheel of his car.

A neighbor called 911 about 5:50 a.m. to report Jeffrey R. Henderson, 21, 3084 Shenk Road, Sanborn, had passed out behind the wheel of his parked car, with the engine running, on Shenk Road.

The neighbor said there was smoke coming from the hood, and it looked like the car was about to catch fire.

The neighbor said it took some effort to wake Henderson up, and when she woke up she told him his car was about to blow up.

Henderson reportedly said, All right, and got out of the car.

Fire personnel and deputies responded to the scene and interviewed Henderson, who had a bloody lip.

When they asked Henderson what happened, he allegedly said, My (expletive) car almost blew up, man. I could have (expletive) died.

Deputies asked where Henderson was going, and he reportedly said, I got the serious munchies, and I was driving to Micky Ds for a little snack.

When they asked if he was alone in the car, he allegedly said, No, I had a group of midgets with me who ran away when you got here. Yeah, I was (expletive) alone, dude. Do you see anyone else?

Deputies asked if he had been drinking alcohol, and he allegedly said, Uh, hello, yeah, I was (expletive) drinking. I almost died, dude, and you ask me that (expletive)? ... I wasnt driving, if thats what youre getting at, dude. Nice try, good police work.

He allegedly failed several field sobriety tests but refused to take an alcohol field sensor test.

Henderson was taken into custody. At the sheriffs department, he allegedly registered a 0.23 percent blood alcohol content on a breath test.

After the test, he reportedly apologized to deputies, saying, It was just the liquor talking back there, dude. I wont give you guys a hard time anymore.

Henderson was charged with DWI and driving with a restricted license.

He was held in lieu of $250 bail and is due today in Cambria Town Court.

I'm the secular progressive O'Reilly warned you about!


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Posts: 106

Um. Yeah. That is pretty awesome, dude.

It's funny, actually. The word "dude" works itself into my vocabulary if I've been drinking.

Pissing people off one syllable at time


HP F2193 laptop battery

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